7 Ways to Maintain Your Independence In A Healthy Relationship

We’ve seen this before.

A girl gets a new man and everyone gets excited.

Months later, she skips plans, stops going to the gym and doing all what made her happy before he came into the picture.

Every conversation now starts with ‘my man this’, ‘my man that’.

It’s cute at first, but then it starts to look like she doesn’t have opinions anymore.

I believe in love and I think everyone deserves to experience it. But having a love life and still showing up as your independent self can still exist. 

A healthy relationship is one where both partners support each other while maintaining their identity. 

So keep reading if you truly want to know how to keep your independence while dating. 

1. Protect Your Time and Energy

One way to lose your independence while dating is to make every time about your partner.

it’s not the same as making time for your partner.

If you spend every weekend or free time hanging out with your man, you’ll lose your independence. 

I understand how exciting it feels to be with the one you love, but remember you had a life before he existed in yours.

Not every free evening should become couple time.

Keep some solo plans and personal routines for yourself only. 

It could be your self care routine, hangout with the girls, and other fixed events that pour into you.

If you’ve made a commitment and your partner wants a couple time, especially if it’s not serious, practice saying no with kindness when needed.

You can postpone it to another time.

No matter what, have moments where you can explore your own interests. 

2. Maintain Your Own Friendships and Social Life

I’ve noticed something interesting.

When relationships end, women often say they don’t know who to call anymore.

And that happens because they didn’t maintain their friendships when they were still dating.

I’ve been guilty of this too. When the relationship ended, I had nobody to talk to. 

It was such a terrible place to be in, and I promised I’ll never do that to myself again.

Love is wonderful, but it wasn’t designed to replace every relationship in your life. 

Just like your partner, your friends also add flavour to your life. They fulfill your emotional needs in some ways your partner can’t. 

Every woman needs people who love her independently of her relationship status.

So, darling, protect those relationships.

3. Keep or Rediscover Your Hobbies and Interest

There are certain things I enjoy.

I enjoy doing my skincare routine.

I enjoy getting new things for myself (and wish I had more funds for it).

I enjoy dancing in the dark, and imagining I’m some celebrity singer. 

I like watching those silly AI movies 😂.

It’s what makes me me, and I’m not about to give that up.

I’m sure you have hobbies, or little pleasures that get you excited. It could be gaming, painting, skydiving, or whatever. 

When you’re in love, it can be tempting to turn every personal interest into a couple activity. 

Please don’t. Ok, maybe a few times. Just know that your partner doesn’t have to like, or get involved in everything you do.

As long as he’s not stopping you from doing what makes you feel fulfilled, you need to keep your hobbies alive. 

Your passions make you a more interesting person.

4. Set Clear Boundaries Early and Communicate Them

When you love someone, you want to talk to them all day. 

You want to be in their space, hear their thoughts, exchange ideas.

When something good happens, you think of sharing with them first.

When the opposite happens, you want him to comfort you.

You find yourself texting him 5, 10, 20 times a day. 

The reverse can be the case. Your man may want you to always respond whenever he calls or texts. 

All these can become suffocating with time.

As much as I encourage communication, it’s also important to have boundaries.

When you have to answer every phone call, change your schedule to suit his, you tell him you have nothing going on for yourself. 

Encourage your partner to also do some things without you. Buy them their favourite tickets, cheer them on when they make plans with their friends. 

Boundaries are not designed to shut your partner out. They protect you and keep your love alive.

5. Depending on Him To Pay Your Bills 

Ladies, let me talk to you for a second. 

The first is those who depend on a man for their survival. 

I know you want a man to take care of you. You find it endearing when he takes you out, buys you things, and picks a bill or two without asking.

And while men should be generous to their partners, remember he’s not your ATM.

The fastest way to lose your independence (and self-respect) is to suddenly make him the financial lead over your life. 

That idea that a guy should fund your lifestyle should die. I don’t care how popular it is. 

You’re a grown woman for God’s sake. You should be able to do the basics for yourself.

Buy your own food, pay your rent, pay your transport and get yourself one or two nice things. 

If you’re broke, go get a job. Never ever surrender your financial dependency to a man, even if he promises you the world. 

It may work for a while but soon he’ll see you as a liability and resent you. 

By the way, women who can make money are super attractive. 

6. Giving Him Unauthorised Access To Your Funds 

There are ladies who commit too early financially.

You’ve barely started the relationship yet you’re buying a house with him, including him as your next of kin, or making him your business partner.

Girl, you don’t even know if he’ll propose. 

A rule of thumb is, don’t make any financial investment with a man until you’re his wife. 

Of course there are exceptions, but we don’t make exceptions the rule. 

Just because it worked for a friend doesn’t mean it’ll work for you.

Stick to giving gifts. If you want to give him money, it must be something you can let go. 

7. Cultivate a Strong Relationship With Yourself

The best relationship you can ever have is the one with yourself.

You didn’t come with a man attached to your hip. You came alone. 

That’s why self-abandonment is one of the worst things a woman can do to herself.

I know it doesn’t help as society trains us to be sacrificial and nurturing.

You can be all that but not at the expense of your well being. 

Before you can give your best to others, you must have filled your own cup first.

Even the Lord commanded us to love our neighbour as we love ourselves.

See, even love has an order. 

Make time to do what uplifts your soul.

It can be self-care, journaling, or reading.

Learn how to make yourself happy. Don’t make your partner the sole source of happiness. He wasn’t designed for fulfill all your needs. 

He should add to your joy, but not become your source. 

You don’t have to choose between love and autonomy.

You can have a beautiful love life while living your life to the fullest.

Only be intentional about making time for other aspects of your life. 

I wish you the best.