6 Ways to Stop Thinking About Your Ex-boyfriend

Isn’t it interesting that the more we try not to think about someone, the more that person comes to mind?

Likeeeee.

How can someone I want nothing to do with be living rent-free in my head?

Well, psychologists call it the Ironic Problem Theory where actively trying to suppress a thought makes you think about it even more.

Even though you follow these selfcare habits your brain pulls up the most random thoughts about him. 

What a betrayal!

Since you can’t bully your brain into forgetting someone, but you can stop letting the ghost of their memories decide how you live. 

Here’s how to stop thinking about your ex boyfriend after breakup

Not Every Thought Is a Sign

If you can’t stop thinking about your ex, you may feel like the universe is trying to bring you two back together. 

The thought of him pops up at breakfast, rides with you on the way to work, and sneaks into your dreams during your beauty sleep.  

Now you wonder if you’re supposed to get back together.

You might even fool yourself into thinking you’re still in love when in fact, you two haven’t spoken in months. 

See, your subconscious mind remembers what your conscious mind forgets.  

If someone was a huge part of your life, your mind will occasionally bring him up, except you have amnesia. 

Still you don’t need to turn every memory into a message from the universe.

Sometimes a thought is just a thought.

You may find yourself wondering how he’s doing.

But you don’t need to check his page, ask a mutual friend or send a DM when your fingers are itching to text. 

Let the thought pass without feeding it.

That is how you gradually teach your mind that remembering someone doesn’t mean reconnecting with them.

Stop Checking on Him

I know.

You just want to know.

Did he post?

Has he changed his profile picture?

Is he seeing someone?

Who is that woman commenting under his picture?

Why did he like that particular post?

Did he watch your story?

Sis, why are you still checking his last-seen status like you’re working for the FBI?

Please rest.

Every time you check on him, you give your brain new material to obsess over.

You’re now thinking of why he moved on quickly, if he misses you, if he’s still thinking of you 

Girlll, you’re not winning here. The information you’re asking for is only taking you 10 steps back. 

You need to remove him from your immediate environment like right now.

Yes, mute, block, unfollow him.  

Stop giving yourself access to things you know will disturb your peace.

Give Your Brain Something New to Think About

Sometimes the reason you’re still obsessed with your favorite ex is because you’re not doing something productive.

Nature abhors vacuum, which is why it circles back to the familiar which in this case is your ex.

There’s more mental room now, fewer messages to read and almost nothing to look forward to. 

If you don’t intentionally fill some of that space, your brain will happily fill it for you and trust me, you won’t know when your mind cooks up a 100-part series of how you two got back together 

So give yourself new things to think about.

Learn something you’ve always been curious about, start exercising, reading, going on solo dates…

Try something you’ve never done before.

There’s so many fun things to do as a single.

Be careful you’re not making your pain with work though. Your life just needs things in it that are capable of competing with the memories.

Don’t Ask Mutual Friends for Updates

This one is sneaky.

“I don’t want to talk about him. I just want to know how he’s doing.”

No, you don’t.

Well, maybe you do.

But knowing how he’s doing is unlikely to help you heal.

If your friend says he’s miserable, you may start wondering whether he wants you back.

If she says he’s doing well, you’ll wonder how he could possibly be fine without you.

If she says he’s seeing someone, well…

Now you’ve lost your appetite.

You don’t need updates.

Tell your friends kindly that you’re trying to move forward and would rather not hear about him unless there is something genuinely important you need to know.

Protecting your healing sometimes means asking people who love you not to bring information you didn’t ask for.

Stop Rehearsing Conversations That Are Never Going to Happen

Sometimes you’ll find yourself replaying conversations you wish to have with him. 

This one can steal hours from your life.

You imagine what you would say if he called so you practise the perfect response.

Finally, you’ll tell him everything you’ve been holding inside.

Then you imagine his answer.

Then you think of another thing you should have said.

Then you restart the entire conversation.

Congratulations.

You’ve now had a three-hour argument with a man who wasn’t even present.

I don’t blame you, I’ve done it too. 

But at some point, you have to stop living inside conversations that exist only in your head.

If there is something you desperately need to say, I advise you to journal.

Write the angry version, the sad version, and the version where you finally say everything you wish you had said.

You may write your feelings in his DM. Only make sure you don’t send it. 

Sometimes writing the words is enough to release them.

Let Yourself Be Angry

You need to feel your feelings on this one. 

Not every breakup needs to be processed through soft music and journaling.

Sometimes you’ll feel angry at yourself, so angry at the things you handled poorly or for tolerated. 

It could be you who treated him badly, or maybe you both behaved badly at different points.

You don’t need to write him long paragraphs or stalk his IG page.

Personally, I’ve never been a fan of those Tiktok 10-part videos on ‘how my ex hurt me’ people tend to do these days. 

Except there’s a strategic reason or cases like abuse, you don’t need to expose him online and let everyone know what happened.

Just admit how hurt you feel and use that anger to establish boundaries. 

Start Making Unromantic Plans 

Sometimes the best way to stop thinking about your ex is to remember that your life has other rooms.

You have a career (I hope), friends who love you, family, health, money etc. 

Then there’s a bucket list of your dreams, places you haven’t visited, things you haven’t learned.

Romantic love is important, but it cannot be the only interesting thing happening in your life.

It’s time to make exciting plans. It could be as simple as booking a restaurant or buying a book. 

Start doing something simply because you want to.

Investing in yourself is a reminder that there is more waiting for you than the relationship you lost.

There’s a world to explore and it would be a waste to focus on something that no longer matters in your life.

I hope you look back years from now and be grateful you took responsibility for your life.