8 Ways to Heal After a Breakup

When someone is going through a heartbreak, people tend to throw the words ‘get over it.’

But they don’t tell you how to get over something that wrecked you emotionally. 

Time without putting any effort in it does nothing for you. 

And I’m going to show you simple and practical way to heal after a breakup. 

Let Yourself Grieve

One of the first things you need to do after a breakup is stop blocking your own feelings.

Yes, stop acting like you’re not hurt. You’re not acting like a strong woman, if anything you’re only burying the pain.

And when you bury pain for so long it’ll come out in nasty ways you never expect. 

It’s okay if you miss him. You loved him as you should. And if you’re angry, that’s normal because it didn’t end the way you expected. 

If you feel relief, maybe it’s a sign you finally let go of a burden. 

The point is you need to be honest about your feelings. Stop pretending to be okay with something you’re not okay with. 

It’s pointless to numb yourself with alcohol, drugs or smoking. It only makes the memories hurt more when you eventually remember.

You can feel the pain and still be grateful for the good memories. It’s fine to miss him and still not want him back.

Sometimes we make heartbreak harder because we think every painful emotion is evidence that we made the wrong decision.

Stop Looking for Closure in The Wrong Places 

Anyone who has gone through a heartbreak understands that desire to know what’s going on with their ex.

I don’t know what it is but you just find yourself replaying old conversations, rereading old texts and monitoring their status updates (if they didn’t block you).

Then you tell yourself you’re getting closure; you’re confronting the pain as part of healing. 

Girl! you’re still attached to him. You want to know how he’s doing, if he’s hurting as much as you, or who is in his life now.  

But all this is like ripping off the healing bandage off your emotional wounds.

Aren’t you tired of your heart aching when you see his pictures?

Okay, I get it that you’re dying to know why it ended because you think the right answer ease your pain, but relationships don’t always end neatly enough to give us that satisfaction.

You may never receive the apology you deserved, or have that conversation where both of you sit down, speak honestly and finally agree on exactly what went wrong.

So waiting for that conversation can keep you emotionally tied to someone who has probably moved on.

You’ve got to move forward sis. It’s hard, but healing demands you don’t wait for answers before letting go.

Create Distance

I’m a firm believer in giving yourself space when you’re hurt.

It’s not about hating your ex, and I say this because many women think setting boundaries after a breakup is dramatic.

It’s about giving your nervous system enough space to stop expecting him.

I’ve had to do the same for some relationships and this helped me better process my thoughts and feelings. 

I’m not asking you to burn bridges but if you keep checking up on each other and entertaining ‘friendly’ conversations with him, you’re only making it harder to heal. 

So mute his stories, archive the pics if they’re too painful to delete, block him and for God’s sake, stop creating reasons to bump into him.

Now if you have kids together or you are work colleagues, you’ll definitely interact at some point. The only catch here is to set strict boundaries.  

Breakups don’t need to turn into a war, but you need to stop feeding the attachment you’re trying to release.

Don’t Romanticise the Relationship Because You’re Lonely

You can’t flip your emotions off just because someone is no longer in your life.

You’ll experience withdrawal symptoms like fantasizing about him all day, depending on how deeply invested you were in the relationship. 

When those lonely nights come, suddenly, you’ll remember the way he held your hand but forget how many times you quarreled over something he refused to change.

You’ll remember the vacations he sponsored but forget the months of emotional absence.

You remember the jokes, the kisses, the good mornings and those little things he did that made you feel loved, but forget the at he dismissed your concerns. 

Loneliness has a way of making your heart edit memories. So it’s no surprise if you start questioning your decision to leave that relationship. 

When this happens, I want you to remember the whole relationship; yes, the good, the bad and the ugly (if any).

That’s why I recommend journaling. Journaling keeps records while helping you process your feelings. 

Read your journals again, not to hold on to hate but to remind yourself why that relationship had to end and why going back may not be the right thing at this stage of your growth.

Again, you don’t have to paint your ex black so you can move on.

The goal is to stop letting loneliness sugarcoat a bad relationship.

Take Care of Your Body

When people are going through a heart break, there’s a tendency to self- abandon. (Add link) 

That’s because your brain is channeling a lot of energy to process grief so the desire for self-pampering is no longer there.

That’s why you sleep till noon, go days without bathing, skip meals or eat erratically, ignore body pain…

I know someone who went days without eating after a bad breakup. 

It took people who really cared to intervene or we would be writing a different story.

Self-care is the very thing you need to do if you want to heal. 

Your mind just went through a loss, it’s using tons of energy to heal and it’s need to be replenished. 

No matter how hard it is, eat some delicious meals, sleep early instead of looking through your old chats, drink loads of water, take that bath baby, wear something beautiful even if you’ll be home all day.

You’ll feel so much better I promise. 

You need to go out and touch grass. 

Do a reset. This planner can help you. 

These little acts of self care are a reminder that you deserve care.

Especially now.

Talk to Someone

The saying, a problem shared is half solved may be cliche but that’s because it works. 

I’d add this though, that a problem shared with the right person makes life a whole lot easier.

Having people you can share your sad moments with without the need to perform is a blessing.

You need someone you can ugly cry with and be vulnerable about what’s happening to you. That person can be your mother, a sibling, friend or a neighbour. 

Whatever the case, that person must be someone who can listen to the same story for the third time and gently remind you when you’re romanticising something that hurt you.

I get the desire to be alone, but never allow heartbreak to keep you lonely.

Let people love you through it and you’ll find yourself healing faster than you would have if you stayed alone. 

Forgive Yourself 

Ironically, it’s easier to forgive someone else than it is to forgive ourselves. 

I don’t know why but we tend to be harder on ourselves than we are to other people.

And in a situation like heartbreak, you might self-blame for some of the decisions you made.

You start asking yourself why you accepted certain behaviours.

Why you stayed after seeing the first red flag.

Why you kept explaining your needs.

Why you believed promises that never became actions. 

While there’s a place for reflection and accountability, you need to make sure you’re not punishing the woman you were then.

She loved freely, gave many chances and trusted with all her heart because she was genuine. It’s not her fault that her goodness wasn’t reciprocated. 

Anyway, you can acknowledge your mistakes without making them your identity.

So forgive yourself, learn the lesson and take responsibility for what you need to change.

Rebuild Again

There’s something about getting into romantic relationships that makes one tend to ignore other aspects of life.

I blame those butterflies because why would you want to speak to someone 24/7, when you’ve got a presentation due on Friday.

This happens a lot with women though. We all know that one girl who started seeing a guy only to stop showing up for girls’ dinners.  

She stops calling her friends, ignores her hobbies, pauses her ambitions because well, she has a new man. 

Of course, this doesn’t happen with every woman but a lot of us can relate to this. That’s why I advise women to never give up other parts of themselves no matter how fulfilling their love lives are.

If you’re going through a breakup, return to those things that made your life full or better still build a new one. 

Whether it’s a new business or finally reading that book, there’s always something new you can do.

Your life does not need to become extraordinary immediately.

It just needs to start feeling like yours.