12 Types of Side Chicks

Not every side chick is the same.

Some women know exactly what they are getting themselves into. Some genuinely have no idea there is another woman. Some know he has a girlfriend but have convinced themselves that the relationship is basically over. Others have been waiting for him to leave for so long that they have forgotten what they were waiting for in the first place.

And then there are women who don’t even see themselves as side chicks because the man has given them a completely different story.

That’s why the conversation around side chicks can be a little more complicated than, “She knew he had a girlfriend, so she’s a bad person.”

Sometimes she did know.

Sometimes she didn’t.

Sometimes she knew but believed him when he said, “It’s complicated.”

And sometimes she knows exactly what she is doing but has convinced herself that being chosen eventually makes everything worth it.

So, what type of side chick are you?

1. The Clueless Side Chick

This is the woman who genuinely doesn’t know there is another woman.

As far as she is concerned, she is dating a single man. He tells her he is single, behaves like he is single and gives her no obvious reason to believe otherwise.

Maybe they go on dates. He calls her regularly. He tells her about his childhood, his work, his plans and everything else that makes the relationship feel legitimate.

So when she eventually discovers that he has a girlfriend or wife, she is shocked.

And this is important because not every woman who discovers she has been involved with a taken man knowingly chose that situation.

Some men are simply very good at hiding things.

They may keep separate phones, avoid taking you to certain places, create elaborate explanations for their schedules and carefully control what you know about their lives.

The clueless side chick may even be the woman everyone assumes is the villain because she is the one who has been seen with the man.

Meanwhile, she had no idea.

If this is you, the question isn’t, “How could I have been so stupid?”

It is, “What am I going to do now that I know?”

You don’t need to take responsibility for a lie someone deliberately told you. But once the truth becomes clear, what you do next is your responsibility.

2. The “They’re Basically Over” Side Chick

This woman knows there is another woman.

The problem is that she has been given a very convincing explanation for why it doesn’t really count.

He tells her they have been unhappy for years.

They barely talk.

They sleep in separate rooms.

He is only staying because of the children.

He has already told her that he wants a divorce.

He is just waiting for the right time.

He promises that once a few things are sorted out, they will finally be together properly.

And because she wants to believe him, she accepts the relationship in its current form while emotionally investing in the relationship he has promised her.

This is where you have to be careful.

A man can genuinely be unhappy in his relationship. He can genuinely be planning to leave. He can genuinely have feelings for you.

And he can still be unavailable.

Those things can all be true at the same time.

The problem is that you cannot build your life around an event that hasn’t happened.

If he is still with her, he is still with her.

It doesn’t matter how many times he tells you the relationship is dead.

At some point, “I’m leaving her” has to become “I have left her.”

Until then, you are still participating in a relationship with a man who is attached to someone else.

3. The Secret Girlfriend

The secret girlfriend knows exactly what she is.

She knows he has a partner and knows that she is being kept away from that part of his life.

Her relationship with him exists in a completely separate world.

She knows which days she can call.

She knows when he will be unavailable.

She knows she can’t post certain pictures.

She knows she probably shouldn’t run into him at certain places with people who know his partner.

And after a while, secrecy becomes normal.

That’s the dangerous part.

You can get used to almost anything if you stay in it long enough.

At first, you might be uncomfortable when he tells you to delete a picture. Then you get used to it.

At first, you might wonder why he never takes you anywhere. Then private dates become normal.

At first, you might feel hurt when he disappears for an entire weekend. Eventually, you stop expecting him to be around.

And suddenly, you’ve adjusted yourself to fit a relationship that was never designed to give you much space.

The fact that the relationship is secret doesn’t necessarily mean the feelings aren’t real.

You can love him.

He can love you.

You can have genuine chemistry.

And the relationship can still be fundamentally unfair to you.

Feelings don’t automatically make a situation healthy.

4. The “I’m Just Waiting for Him” Side Chick

This woman has turned waiting into a lifestyle.

She isn’t necessarily happy with being the other woman, but she believes her situation is temporary.

She has a timeline in her head.

Maybe he says he’ll leave after the holidays.

Then after his birthday.

Then after the children finish school.

Then after they sort out the house.

Then after his wife gets through a difficult period.

There is always something.

And because she has already invested so much emotionally, leaving feels like throwing everything away.

So she stays.

Six months becomes a year.

A year becomes three.

And eventually, she has spent more time waiting for him than she would have spent building a life without him.

This is where sunk-cost thinking can trap you.

You start thinking, “I’ve already waited this long, so I might as well wait a little longer.”

But time already spent is gone.

You don’t get it back by sacrificing more of it.

At some point, you have to stop asking how long you’ve waited and start asking whether the relationship is actually moving.

Because if the only thing changing is the date on the calendar, you’re not progressing.

You’re waiting.

5. The “I’m Better Than Her” Side Chick

This woman doesn’t necessarily think she is stealing someone’s man.

She thinks she is correcting his mistake.

She believes the other woman isn’t right for him.

Maybe she thinks she is prettier.

Maybe she is more intelligent.

Maybe she is more feminine.

Maybe she understands him better.

Maybe their sex is better.

Maybe he has told her all the things he supposedly doesn’t get from his partner.

So the relationship starts feeling like a competition.

And she wants to win.

This is where things can get dangerous emotionally because now her self-worth becomes attached to whether he chooses her over the other woman.

If he leaves his partner, she feels validated.

If he stays, she feels rejected.

Suddenly, another woman’s relationship status has become a measurement of her own value.

But girl, no.

You don’t become more valuable because a man leaves another woman for you.

And you don’t become less valuable because he doesn’t.

His decision is about his character, his circumstances and his choices. It is not a beauty contest that determines which woman is objectively better.

You don’t need to be better than her.

You need to decide whether this situation is good enough for you.

6. The Revenge Side Chick

This one usually comes with a story.

Maybe the other woman knew about her and still pursued her man.

Maybe the other woman insulted her.

Maybe the other woman cheated on him.

Maybe the relationship has been toxic for years.

So she tells herself that what she is doing isn’t really wrong because the other woman “deserves it.”

And now the relationship isn’t just about the man anymore.

It’s about revenge.

But revenge is a terrible foundation for a relationship.

Because eventually, the anger wears off.

The excitement of “winning” wears off.

And you’re left with the actual relationship you have created.

You might even discover that the man you were using to get back at another woman is not particularly impressive once there is no longer a competition.

There is something very freeing about refusing to make another woman’s relationship your battlefield.

You don’t have to prove anything to her.

And you certainly don’t have to destroy yourself trying to prove that you can take her man.

7. The “He Treats Me Better Than Her” Side Chick

This woman has a very specific kind of confidence.

She knows about the other woman, but she believes what she has with him is different.

He talks to her more.

He opens up to her.

He tells her she understands him.

He complains about his relationship.

He says things like, “I wish I met you first.”

And she believes that their connection is proof that she is the woman he really wants.

Maybe she is right about the connection.

But there is one question she needs to answer.

If he really wants you so badly, why is he still maintaining the other relationship?

Because sometimes women get so focused on how a man feels about them that they forget to look at what he is actually doing.

He can feel deeply connected to you and still choose to stay with his partner.

He can miss you and still go home to her.

He can tell you that you’re special and still refuse to give you a proper relationship.

That’s why his feelings cannot be your only evidence.

Look at his decisions.

8. The Comfortable Side Chick

Not every side chick is secretly waiting to become a wife.

Some women actually like the arrangement.

She gets companionship, affection, sex, gifts or attention without necessarily wanting the responsibilities that come with a full relationship.

She doesn’t have to deal with him every day.

She doesn’t have to meet his family.

She doesn’t have to plan their entire future.

She can have her own life while still having someone to call when she wants company.

And if everyone involved genuinely understands the arrangement, that’s a different situation.

The problem is when one person is comfortable with something casual while the other person is secretly hoping it becomes serious.

Or when the man has deliberately hidden the relationship from his partner.

You cannot call something mutually understood when one of the people involved doesn’t even know the arrangement exists.

That’s not an open relationship.

That’s cheating with a better vocabulary.

9. The “I Can Change Him” Side Chick

This woman sees the man he could become.

Not necessarily the man he is.

She sees the sweet man underneath the lies.

She believes his cheating is because he is unhappy.

She believes his dishonesty is because he is confused.

She believes his commitment issues are because someone hurt him.

She believes that if she loves him properly, he will finally become honest, loyal and emotionally available.

But here’s the uncomfortable part.

You don’t know whether he will change.

And you certainly shouldn’t build your future around it.

People can change. Absolutely.

But they have to choose that change themselves.

You cannot love someone into becoming trustworthy.

You cannot be patient enough to make someone develop integrity.

And you cannot use your own suffering as proof that your relationship is worth saving.

If he wants to become a better man, let him do that because he wants to.

You don’t need to stand beside him while he practices.

10. The Side Chick Who Thinks She’s Already the Main Woman

This might be the most complicated one.

Because technically, she knows about the other woman.

But she doesn’t consider herself the side chick anymore.

He tells her she’s the one he loves.

He spends more time with her.

He tells her everything.

He says his marriage is only a technicality.

Maybe he has even started calling her his future wife.

So she thinks the title doesn’t matter.

But titles do matter when they reflect reality.

If he is still married, still living with his wife, still presenting himself as her husband and still maintaining the relationship while asking you to wait, then you need to look at what is actually happening.

You cannot promote yourself based on potential.

If the situation hasn’t changed, the situation hasn’t changed.

Maybe he really does intend to choose you eventually.

But eventually is not a relationship status.

11. The “I Don’t Care” Side Chick Who Actually Cares

This woman insists she doesn’t want anything serious.

She says she’s just having fun.

She doesn’t care who he goes home to.

She doesn’t care if he doesn’t call for three days.

She doesn’t care if he spends Christmas with his wife.

She definitely isn’t waiting for him.

Until she is.

Then suddenly she is upset because he didn’t call.

She’s jealous because he posted his partner.

She’s angry because he went on vacation with his family.

She’s hurt because he missed her birthday.

And now she’s realizing that somewhere along the way, the casual arrangement stopped being casual for her.

This happens more often than people admit.

Sometimes you enter a situation thinking you can control your feelings.

Then feelings happen anyway.

That’s why being honest with yourself matters.

If you say you’re okay with being the side chick but secretly want him to leave his partner, you aren’t really okay with the arrangement.

You’re tolerating it while hoping it changes.

And those are two very different things.

12. The Side Chick Who Doesn’t Realize She’s Still a Side Chick

This is probably the one worth thinking about the most.

Maybe he has told you that you’re different.

Maybe he has introduced you to a few friends.

Maybe he spends most of his free time with you.

Maybe he tells you that his relationship is basically finished.

Maybe you’ve even started talking about your future together.

So you stopped calling yourself the side chick.

But ask yourself one simple question.

Has anything actually changed?

Is he still in the relationship?

Is he still hiding you?

Are you still waiting?

Does he still disappear when his partner needs him?

Are you still getting promises instead of decisions?

Because sometimes we don’t leave the side-chick position.

We simply give it a nicer name.

And that’s where you need to be honest with yourself.

You don’t have to decide that you’re a terrible woman because you found yourself in this situation. You don’t have to spend your time comparing yourself to the other woman either.

But you do have to decide what you’re willing to participate in.

Because there is a difference between being someone’s secret and being someone’s partner.

And no matter how many times he tells you that you’re special, eventually his actions have to catch up with the story.